Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think a kid would responsible me up
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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