smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
