Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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