no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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