I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
