Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
