well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
