Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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