You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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