Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
