Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
