No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
