i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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