My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
