For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dignity is for republicans.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
