I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
