Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
