i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
