Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
