I could make wine with my vomit
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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