Got a toothbrush?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
