By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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