I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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