I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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