i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
