Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
