"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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