I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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