The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
