Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think my moral compass just broke
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