my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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