i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
