U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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