Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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