The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
