take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
