Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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