we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
