so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
