i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
