you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
