He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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