Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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