I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize