are you still at the devil's house?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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