Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
