answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
