I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
