When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
