Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
