Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
