my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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