i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
