I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
