i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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