omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
