you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
